Friday, January 18, 2008

Going to Tesco


Don't boycott Tescos just because of this...

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head
Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:

15 June : Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s
trolleys when they weren’t looking;

02 July : Set all the alarm clocks in Homeware department to go off at 5
minute intervals;

07 July : Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
products aisle;

19 July : Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone: “Code
3 in Aisle 14”….and watched what happened;

14 August : Moved a “Caution – Wet Floor” sign to a carpeted area;

15 September : Set up a tent in the Outdoor department and told shoppers
he’d invite them in if they brought sausages and a Calor Gas stove;

23 September : When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked: “Why can’t people just leave me alone!?!?”

04 October : Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror,
picked his nose and ate it;

10 November : While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Homewares aisle, he asked an assistant where the antidepressants were kept;

03 December : Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
“Mission Impossible” theme tune;

06 December : In the kitchenware aisle, he practised the Madonna look with
several different sized funnels;

18 December : Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, he yelled:
“Pick me! Pick me!”

21 December : When an announcement came over the loudspeaker in store, he
assumed the foetal position and screamed: “ No! No! It’s the voices, again!”

And last, but not least:

23 December : Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while
before yelling very loudly: “There is no toilet paper in here!”


As you will appreciate this is not the kind of behaviour which we welcome
in our stores and other customers have lodged several complaints to this
effect. I would appreciate if you ask your husband to refrain from his
antics on future visits to the premises, other we may have to take further
action in this matter. Many thanks for your co-operation in this matter.

Yours sincerely,


Charles Brown
Store Manager

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome Banksy-like subversion.

Anonymous said...

if it were true...been going around for a while, Tesco deny they've such a person working there - y'all live near Banbury, check it out; my guess is there's no carpet/clothes rail etc

Anonymous said...

i work for tescos banbury and i have been there years and there is no manager that goes by that name

Anonymous said...

1:35 Am anon....don't spoil the fun. We all know there isn't anyone by that name but how fabulous to have a bit of laughter brighten your day!

Harmless,good ideas...tee hee hee, to share around the net with your friends instead of the nastiness and porn and fraud that usually gets delivered.